i love her so
by r.e.ign.shyler
Summary: read and find out...
1. Chapter 1

**characters are ooc…**

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE! Don't own Mai Otome/Hime**

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Chapter 1:

There she was again…

The noise of the market place receded and the colorful clouds became a blur as Shizuru Viola paused inadvertently, her attention captured and held, her awareness to the woman so intense that it took up her entire consciousness and she didn't even notice that she had lost Nao.

She was struck less by the coincidence of seeing her again so soon, as Kathmandu was a small city. A tiny bubble of excitement was growing, in conflict with a gathering sense of disturbance that was almost foreboding, as if in some way the woman threatened her.

It was strange, both exhilarating and unnerving, to find herself reacting to a woman in this way after the frozen years in which she had been oblivious to all emotional and physical temptation. It was like an awakening from a long, cold sleep, and it caused a feeling of guilt as she realized what was happening to her, as if she committed a betrayal, although she had always known that her long mourning must one day ease and end, even if the bitterness of her loss never quite left her.

It was inevitable. She was young and healthy, and the woman was the most arrestingly female creature she had ever seen.

Shizuru knew she was staring, but she couldn't help herself. Khaki jeans and black shirt clad a frame exuding an impression of controlled strength. Power was in those shoulders and the head covered in midnight-blue tresses was carried at an angle denoting utter self-confidence and an unconscious pride. The carved profile was a little bit arrogant and her bearing was that of a woman who exercised authority as a right.

Was that why she felt threatened? The woman was one who would command, perhaps even dominate. She would be a demanding lover-------

Shizuru flushed slightly at discovering herself thinking of a perfect stranger in such a context, and it was as if the sensuality of her fantasizing reached out and betrayed her, because it was at that moment that the woman turned and looked at her.

It was as it had been yesterday up at the monkey temple. Deep, green eyes assessed her with little mercy for her sudden discomfort. It was a ruthless inspection without being hostile, and her quickened breath caught in her throat. It was a moment of panic, but also of knowledge, and she felt her blood heat at the awareness the woman found her desirable.

The glimmer of a smile appeared, gleaming on the woman's mouth. It was a beautiful mouth, the mouth of a passionate lover, and the energy of her virility seemed to reach out and claim Shizuru without even stirring from where she stood.

Suddenly Shizuru was frightened, as by the way the woman seemed to mark her as hers simply by just standing there and looking at her.

It was too soon. She wasn't ready.

Shizuru thrust her shaking hands into the pockets of her jacket, while her inner muscles clamped, clenching as if to deny the woman ownership. With the reserve back in her deep crimson eyes once more, she looked away from her with as much disregard she could summon. The brunette was aware of the flash of anger in those green eyes and the tightening of her features as she marked the rejection that was a denial of the instantaneous awareness that had flared between them on both occasions that they had stood looking at each other in crowded public places.

The first encounter had been as silent and as explicit as today's, ending similarly, and it had taken Shizuru hours to rid her mind of the woman. A thousand questions had teased her—who she was, where she came from, what she's doing in Kathmandu and if she had a woman in her life. She had a companion yesterday, younger than she was, with blue eyes and equipped with one of the most expensive cameras available, which had Shizuru to wonder if they were tourist. They didn't have that air, but the woman, _her woman_, had apparently been pointing out things of interest to the younger.

Today, however, she alone and Shizuru wondered what she was doing in the market place.

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This might be too short for your liking and probably you have the vaguest idea where I'm going with this. . .

I do want to read your reactions however, so if it's not too much of a hassle drop a line a line or two…XD


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to:_

**AleraeEirtoren/Rudos/tsu-chan/Cogent/kikyo4ever/anonymous/kadaclone/Lykopis/ALEXISSA2/Edga-Keen Blade/Olivia U. L./lindred/rantuyetmai/AnimeJock**

ManiazAzn: _well, I changed haruka to nao… I figured nao fits more to the character than haruka._

maki4will: _this won't be that dramatic and it'll be on the later part so no worries. . .XD_

also, to compensate for the very short chapter from before I made this one a little longer. . .

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Chapter 2:

"What happened to you?" Nao said. "I turned around and you weren't there any more, and I'd been talking to you."

"Sorry, I slowed down." Shizuru said.

For some reason which she failed to analyze, Shizuru didn't want to share this, but it was expecting too much to think Nao would miss a woman like that a second time.

"Is she sexy, or is she sexy?" Nao asked her standard question. "What do you think Shizuru?"

"I suppose so," Shizuru admitted reluctantly.

"Then she must be," Nao teased. "Do we toss a coin or fight it out? And how can we arrange an encounter? Something more original than colliding with her?"

"Nao!" Shizuru laughed in protest. "We can't just . . . pick her up. She's going anyway, and we're going the other way."

"Pity," sighed Nao. "But looking like that, she's probably booked already and wouldn't look at the likes of us anyway. How old would you say she was? Mid-twenties?"

"How can you know that?" replied the brunette.

"Oh I can tell."

They made their way up a dark sloping alley along another, between dim houses and tiny shops interspersed with ancient carved temples, being careful where they placed their feet. The late summer sun had sunk golden behind the rooftops, but the Nepalese people were still out in their hundreds.

"I spoke to Reiko earlier," Nao told Shizuru. "She suggested a farewell dinner tonight. The four of us?"

"Fine" Shizuru agreed. "Where? The Yak and Yeti again?"

"No, I was in the mood for Chinese, so it's the restaurant in Annapurna, if that's okay with you? We'll meet there, about eight-thirty."

Reiko Hakuin and Tomoe Margaruite were two young Japanese doctors spending a couple of years working at a hospital in the Sola Khumbu region. They occasionally visit Kathmandu for a break, and when they did so, Shizuru and Nao were happy to partner them, but there's no deep commitment. Shizuru knew that Nao slept with Reiko when they were together, but they had no long term plans for the future. Her own friendship with Tomoe had been purely platonic ever since her one attempt to make love to her had met with frozen, unhappy response, and she knew the green-haired girl now saw a lot of a beautiful you Sherpani in one of the Sola Khumbu villages.

"They're leaving tonight aren't they?" Shizuru questioned her friend.

"Yes, I'm due a few days off, as you know, so I thought I'd go with them, do some hiking and then fly back from either Lukla or the strip above the Namche Bazar."

The possibility of Shizuru joining her was not even mentioned. She would never go to Sola Khumbu again, although she had hiked all over the lovely Kathmandu Valley with Nao and even, once, been into the foothills but the latter had been an unhappy experience.

"I'd better be going then if I'm leaving with the girls," said Nao. "I still have to get my gear together. You?"

"Home for me too. There's nothing on at the Embassy this evening."

Nao eyed her speculatively and ventured, "I suppose they'll be planning some kind of bash for the new German expedition? A reception, anyway?"

"Expedition?" Her voice was a dry little sound, and she could almost resent Nao for making her ask it.

"Everest," Nao confirmed sympathetically.

"Autumn? Post-monsoon?"

"Yes"

"I hadn't heard anything about it," Shizuru said flatly.

"You wouldn't" Nao agreed wryly.

It was an ability Shizuru had cultivated ruthlessly until it became a habit. To one subject and all that pertained to it, she was as deaf and blind as a corpse , obliterating anguish instead of exorcising it, so that the old bitterness lay buried along with her one-time fascination and interest.

Shizuru's face had closed and the reserve mask had replaced the shadow in her eyes. You had to conceal pain, because it wasn't considerate or polite to share it with other. Tragedy embarrassed people, discomfited them.

"Don't be cross with me, Shizuru," Nao said.

"I'm not really," she replied dully. "I just don't want to talk about it."

"Or think about it. Four years, Shizuru?"

"Three men in three years," she retorted curtly, angrily, wanting to lash out and punish her friend for forcing this on her.

"You'd have to face it eventually," Nao pointed out candidly.

"Forget it Nao, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. There are mountains and people must climb them, but never ever again will I let myself love one of those people. See you at eight-thirty. The Annapurna."

It had been ironical that her first overseas posting was at Kathmandu, but she had never thought to lie about her knowledge of Nepali and Sherpa acquired during those years when her father had wanted to give something back to the country and people which had given him so much. She had been at the Embassy for a year now, and she still wasn't sure if her return to Nepal had helped or hindered her wounds. She liked Kathmandu, and the Himalayas were far away and invisible, and yet too close.

Everest. Sagarmatha, as they called it Nepal had made a widow of her mother seven years ago and three years later had taken her son from her. From Shizuru it had taken her father and brother . . .

And her love. Seiji Lawson.

Her mind went back to the little information Nao had given her regarding the forthcoming expedition. She no longer knew any mountaineers, having cut herself off from their world entirely; she didn't know who the new ones were, nor which of the old still lived and climbed; but still she shivered despite the warmth of the evening and her jacket, too well informed to dismiss the risks. Her father's body had been recovered, buried beneath the icy debris of a giant serac. She did not know how the other two had died, three years later.

The bitterness she had felt at eighteen with her father's loss had overflowed with their disappearance. She had not wanted to know, refusing to listen. They were dead and she didn't even have their bodies back. The mountain had taken those too, lifeless and broken, and returned her nothing. Her mother had been appalled when she had been posted to Nepal, and angry with her for accepting the posting.

Letting herself into her apartment, Shizuru removed her jacket and got herself a cup of tea, then wandered about feeling oddly helpless. She supposed it was the result of being knocked off balance twice in one day, first by the woman in the marketplace and then by Nao's news of an expedition.

Finally, she went into her bedroom and got out the framed photo she kept in her bedside table. She sat on the edge of the bed, the photo in her hands. The face that looked out at her was young and vibrant with the handsome features of Seiji, the eyes bright with laughter, the smile somehow both gentle and mischievous.

Shizuru had been spending her university vacation in Nepal because her brother was a member of an expedition attempting Everest. Seiji had been ambitious to go high and the leader of the expedition had promised him a place in one of the summit pairs despite his youth.

"I want to go high," he had explained. "I want to go as high as it's possible for a man to go."

"We'll announce our engagement when I get back," he had promised when they had agreed they wanted marriage. "But first I want to get to the top. It will be my engagement present to you; I'll dedicate it to you."

But he hadn't come back and neither had her brother. The news had been brought to her where she was waiting for them at Thyangboche.

Her fiancé and brother would never come back and Shizuru would never come there again.

She stirred now, realizing that the light had faded while she sat with her memories, so that even his happy, confident image was taken from her. Slowly she returned the photo in its place and began to move through the apartment, closing curtains and switching on lights.

It might be that the time had come to let go at last. Her reaction to the woman in the marketplace seemed to indicate that she was ready. She would always mourn them, but the grief of her loss would stab less sharply and it would not be betrayal.

It was still early, so she had plenty of time to prepare to meet Nao and the two doctors at the Annapurna; too much time in a way, she realized, finding the flat a lonely place tonight. She was glad she was going out, glad that she had a few friends outside the Embassy.

She needed people again, she realized and wondered when that had started.

She had been frozen in her long grief, but now . . . The woman in the marketplace had shown her that the thaw had begun.

The woman filled her thoughts while she bathed and dressed. Meeting her own eyes in the mirror, Shizuru flushed for they were darkened, hot and disturbed, as she realized she had been fantasizing about the woman again, both as a lover and love, not just a bedmate but as a daily companion too, a lifetime partner.

_And I would probably never set eyes on her again!_

Somehow though, she couldn't help believing that she would, as if it were destined that way. Impatiently she tried to mock herself out of a wild fantasy but the conviction persisted.

She was slightly stunned and embarrassed by what had happened to her. The woman was a total stranger, whose name and nationality she didn't know, and yet the woman obsessed her. She hadn't expected it to be this way. She had been wrong, in fact. It was no slow, gradual melt down that the woman started but a swift, hot melting, its effects as devastating as an avalanche.

---------At Annapurna---------

Nao met her at the hotel and they went to that bar to wait for the girls, unsurprised by their absence.

"Reiko swears they're models of punctuality at the hospital," laughed Nao as she started her second glass of the sweetish local gin and lime.

"I suppose the way they break out in Kathmandu is a reaction to the self-discipline required there," Shizuru agreed.

Eventually the women arrived and they went across to the Chinese restaurant, beautifully decorated and with the lights comfortably low.

_These three people are good friends to have_, she reflected gratefully. They made no heavy demands, were-easy going and light-hearted without being superficial, and she realized how much lonelier her life would have been without them. She looked at Tomoe Margaruite and she smiled. Theirs was in a sense of symbiotic relationship, each of them preventing the other from feeling out of place with the other two, although she doubted if either Nao or Reiko would have minded being a threesome instead of a foursome. They enjoyed each other, but they weren't in love.

Suddenly . . .

Something, a feeling of being compelled as if by some magnetic force, made Shizuru look up-and there she was again, the woman from the market place, striding across the restaurant in a light-colored shirt and tight dark pants. For a moment green eyes glanced her way, smoldered, flashed and were withdrawn.

Shizuru sat very still, half terrified, while another part of her want to laugh. This was too much.

_Coincidence or fate?_

The women with their backs to the room were still absorbed in their chitchat with the waiter but Nao had seen.

"What a body!" she murmured wickedly for Shizuru's ears alone.

"She looked at you, did you notice?"

"Yes. Don't tease-please, Nao," she begged, and Nao kindly refrained.

_Perhaps I take life too seriously, _she reflected wryly, but couldn't bring herself to joke about it. She had been shattered anew by the impact of the stormy glance and electric presence, and somehow it was an intensely personal thing, not for sharing. It was all happening so fast, and yet nothing was really happening, and perhaps it never would. They might go on seeing each other all over the place and never meeting, and perhaps it would be safer that way.

The woman frightened her, or rather her reaction frightened her. It was so intense, overwhelming, and she had never felt like this before. It made her feel a stranger to herself, with no control over her reactions.

Their meal was served, and Shizuru couldn't help glancing towards the woman's table every so often, and speculating about her. She had another woman with her tonight, not the young one from the monkey temple. Shizuru wondered if she was staying at the Annapurna, or just dining here. What if she has a girlfriend? What if they didn't speak each other's language?

'_We did have two conversations already, without the use of words that is' _she reminded herself, before deciding she was going crazy. _'Here I am, panicking about all sorts of things, and all because of a stranger!'_

Suddenly she wanted more to meet her than she wanted anything, in a long time. The next moment the woman looked at her with a flickering half-smile. '_I mustn't be frightened and turn my gaze away as I had this afternoon. I must-_---'As the phrase "green light" drifted across her mind, Shizuru felt her cheeks grow warm. She was anticipating behavior in which she had never before indulged and of which her mother would most definitely disapprove, although she knew her older sister would approve.

The meal was an extended affair because Reiko and Tomoe were in high spirits, but eventually Reiko said, "We ought to get going if we've still got to pick up Nao's gear. Pity you aren't coming with us Shizuru-san."

This was the moment of decision. Shizuru glanced towards the table where her woman sat and saw that her companion had left. A host of butterflies invaded her stomach.

_She's waiting for me . . ._

She smiled at her friends as they stood up. "Thanks but I'll get them to bring me a last gin and lime from the bar and then make my own way home."

"Clever move Shizuru, getting all the action to yourself. Why did I decide to go with the girls? Not that I'd have much chance, it's you she's been watching all night-and Tomoe. I think she was contemplating beating Tomoe to a pulp. Make sure she's not some sort of maniac, and if she's taken."

"Nao" She laughed faintly.

_What am I doing, behaving like this?_ Shizuru wondered frantically, stifling an impulse to run after the others, and ordering a drink from the waiter who came to see why she was still here.

The woman was still watching her, broodingly, and---

_Oh God, suppose she really was some kind of maniac._

Then the woman smiled at her, a proper smile this time, which lit her entire face and made her even more devastatingly attractive and this time Shizuru smiled back, shyly and shakily, and the woman could read the signal.

Shizuru's heart was thundering and she couldn't breathe properly as she watched her come across to her table.

"This is a pick-up." The woman announced in an attractive voice and she smiled again as she sat down opposite Shizuru.

"I've been trying to think of an alternative way, but I don't think we've any mutual friends to introduce us and . . . we had to meet didn't we?"

"Natsuki Kruger" She held out a hand.

"Shizuru Viola." She breathed and took the hand.

"Can I order you a drink?"

"I've already ordered one."

"You live here don't you? I heard you speaking Nepali at the monkey temple."

The dark viridian eyes caressed her face and Shizuru shook because it felt as if the woman actually touched her.

"I'm at the German Embassy," she explained.

"What do you do there?"

"I . . ." she paused, looking at the woman assessingly who laughed an attractive sound that made her shiver again.

"It's alright, truly, but I respect your professional discretion. At this early stage," Natsuki added deliberately.

It was a question a request for confirmation but Shizuru couldn't give it yet. She was still nervous and shocked by the way she was falling apart under the impact of Natsuki's personality and sensuality. It was as if they had entered a field of electricity. The atmosphere was tense, alive and quivering with some sort of excitement, on the verge of exploding into something wonderful and terrifying.

Shizuru said lightly, "It's not a very important job, really. What about you?"

"What about me?"

Reluctantly, it seemed Natsuki withdrew her attention from Shizuru as the waiter arrived with her drink and she ordered something for herself before looking at the brunette again.

"What do you do? Why are you here?" Shizuru elaborated.

Green eyes looked at her contemplatively, eyes a little reserved for once and then she smiled slightly. "Let's put it this way: I have various business interests and I travel a lot."

Shizuru looked back thoughtfully. "That's not a very full answer, but then again I didn't gave you one either. I suppose you're a millionare."

Natsuki laughed then. "No, but I'm rich."

"That's a nice plain word. Where do you live?"

"I've got a place in Germany at the moment, but as I say I travel extensively."

"Toilet seats?"

Natsuki looked startled and then smiled. "No. Is it a riddle? Explain it to me."

Shizuru laughed. "I wondered if you were embarrassed by your business, since you obviously don't want to elaborate. I once met a woman here, who deals with toilet seats. She said it was a good way of seeing the world as any, and she'd been absolutely everywhere."

Natsuki's eyes darkened. "Who was she?"

"I don't know" Shizuru protested. "I don't know think she even told me her name or gave me her card or anything. She knew I wasn't a potential customer."

"She wasn't a girl-friend or lover then?"

Shizuru stared at her and then challenged quietly, "And do I come here often? Quite often, Ms. Kruger, but I don't do this sort of thing often. In fact, I never had before and maybe I shouldn't have done it tonight, if-"

"I'm sorry," Natsuki apologized swiftly and charmingly. "And it's not Ms. Kruger, Shizuru, it's Natsuki. Who was the young woman with you tonight, the green one sitting opposite you?"

Shizuru's eyes began to sparkle and her lips curved as she realized what lay behind her questioning. "That's my friend Tomoe Margaruite. They're all my friends."

"What sort of friend?"

"A friend-friend. Can I interrogate you now?"

Natsuki's moody, passionate nature was evident in the way she looked at Shizuru for a few moments, eyes smoldering with an angry doubt, her mouth harsh but gradually she relaxed, smiling.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything" Shizuru exclaimed extravagantly, then blushed.

"There'll be enough time for that," she assured her confidently.

Hurriedly Shizuru asked, "Where's your friend? The one who was with you at the monkey temple? Blue eyes and a camera."

Instantly, Natsuki was brooding again, and Shizuru was sorry because she hadn't done it intentionally, merely asking the first question that occurred to her.

"Why are you interested?"

"I'm not. Really."

"You noticed her eyes."

"Who wouldn't?" she retorted, adding laughingly, "Stop it, Natsuki!"

The green eyes looked surprised before smiling reluctantly. "I'm behaving badly, aren't I? But I want you to ask questions about me, not Arika who incidentally is doing the tourist bit as this is her first visit and has gone to watch the Nepalese dancing at the hall down the road."

Shizuru smiled. "Thank you. All right, about you. Taken? Are you now or have you been?"

"No and no. When I am, it will be permanently."

"I can tell you'll be a very possessive one," she taunted gently.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Natsuki sighed.

"And you, Shizuru? What sort of lover will you be?"

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	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to:_

**Anonymous/ALEXISSA2/maki4will/ManiaAzn/Edge-Keen Blade/tsuko-chan/fantasyfreak21/glowie/Cojent/AnimeJock/chatterbox-hikaru13/lindred/LucyEllis/Krampus/chum-sa**

_btw, from now on this will be my pen name, sooooo…nothing (hehe . . .)_

also, if you notice any mistakes do tell me, okay?

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Chapter 3:

Shizuru stared at Natsuki, knowing by both her tone and look that she meant it personally.

'_She meant what sort of lover I'd be to her?'_ she thought.

The brunette laughed a little breathlessly. "This is crazy."

"No." Natsuki stated arrogantly. "Don't be so coy about it, Shizuru. We both know what's happening here, between the two of us. We both know were going to be lovers and probably married."

Shizuru felt as if the last breath had been knocked from her lungs and her stomach flipped nervously.

"Don't" she said, barely above a whisper. "It's too far, too fast, already."

"I won't rush you," the younger one promised. "But it's happening and you'd be a fool to deny it."

"I can't handle it." Shizuru said.

Sheer terror gripped her. It was too strange, too sudden and to hear it put into words made it too real as well. Her whole identity was threatened. Natsuki had drawn her into an alien world, without even having touched her, a world dark and glittering with the promise of passion and the threat of some sort of bondage, both physical and emotional. Temptation and fear were equal and suddenly she needed to escape, before she lost all that was safe and familiar in herself.

Her old love was a temporary refuge, a cocoon but Natsuki Kruger's dark magnetic power reached her even there in that safe, sacred haven. She thought of Seiji, of the gentle warmth of their unconsummated love, but she was now looking at Natsuki Kruger quivering and helpless under the dominance of her stormy, restless gaze and the raven-haired words dragged her roughly out into the danger of reality once again.

"Why can't you handle it?" Natsuki demanded.

"You'll smother me, take me over, try to own me." Shizuru couldn't dissemble at that moment. "You've admitted that you're possessive and you're already doing it, trying to own me. . . my soul, even"

The raven-haired smiled. "It's your body I'm interested in at the moment, but stop panicking, Shizuru. It won't be yet. There are things I need to know first to be sure of . . . you have a tragic mouth when you aren't smiling and there's almost always an element of reserve in your eyes, and you're not going to tell me, are you? You aren't going to tell me what put them there, so I'll have to banish them."

"You see, you're still doing it" she whispered, eyes dark with fear and resentment.

"Not just taking me over, but making me over, trying to drive out my secrets and change my nature. I have a history, a past life, everyone does. You can't take that away and make me into someone brand new who never thought or felt before."

"I wish I could." But the dark words were followed by a lightning change of mood as she laughed. "I'm doing a good job of scaring you off, aren't I? I didn't realize until tonight that possessiveness was a fault of mine . . . No, and it damn well wasn't until now. It's your doing Shizuru, so perhaps you can cure it too, but until I'm sure of you, I'm jealous of everyone and everything you've ever cared about, every experience that has shaped and influenced you. . . But you're wrong about one thing. I don't want to take away your history, whatever it is. You wouldn't be you without it."

The last sentence was almost gently spoken and Shizuru was touched.

She said softly, "Then be patient, Natsuki. You're not the only one who needs to be sure. I'm not . . . very experienced, but isn't all this pretty . . . heavy for a first meeting?"

"Not when we know what we both know," the raven-haired retorted sardonically. "That cuts away the conventionalities, doesn't it? But in deference to your experience- which, incidentally is one of the best things I've learned about you tonight- we can return to superficial topics."

Shizuru felt more at ease now that the subject was impersonal and she listened to Natsuki's responses and opinions with interest, realizing from the depth of her knowledge that this could not be her first visit to the country. The brunettes fascination grew. Natsuki spoke entertainingly, and was also interested in her thoughts and ideas, encouraging her to express herself. She was surprised when finally she looked at her watch since the waiters seemed to be hovering to discover that they had been talking for well over an hour and they had hardly touched their drinks.

She sighed, smiling ruefully as green eyes looked at her questioningly.

"Natsuki, I must go now."

"Where do you live? I've hired a car while I'm here, so I'll drive you home."

Momentarily, Shizuru's heart leapt because if Natsuki had hired a car it must mean she was remaining in the country for some time. But then all her nervousness and uncertainty at finding herself so unexpectedly involved with this woman came flooding back and she looked at her with eyes dark with apprehension.

"It's alright, I can get a taxi." She sipped a little of her drink because her mouth was suddenly dry.

"I said I wouldn't rush you, Shizuru" Natsuki reminded her gently. "I just want to take you home, see where you live. Finish your drink if you want it and we'll go."

Still nervous and yet not really wanting to be lose the younger ones company yet, she yielded silently.

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It was a short drive to her apartment and now they were both silent. Shizuru was tense, excited and fearful all at the same time, and attempting some sort of analysis, she supposed she was still off balance after the shock of her reaction to this woman plus her own uncharacteristic behavior in actually in actually encouraging her.

'_I'm violently attracted to her'_ she admitted, as Natsuki obviously was to her, _'but is it possible that I've fallen in love with her in the space of little more than an hour? Not even the discovery that she was moody with a tendency towards possessiveness had done anything to lessen this fatal fascination of mine . . .oh God, she must give me time and space.'_

She then glanced at Natsuki's profile, oddly remote now that green eye's attention was on the road rather than her and realized with some surprise that Natsuki had not once actually touched her yet. How strange when, she felt as it had happened. Her flesh had burned every time Natsuki would look at her, as if she branded her with those green eyes, marking as her property.

'_That's what I'm afraid of,'_ she reflected. She wasn't afraid of loving again after four years' mourning, but she didn't want to merely a woman's property, owned and possessed.

Her apartment was on the fifth floor of a ten story building, it was an attractive in a clean pleasant area where the streets were wide and fairly quiet at most times, particularly at this hour of the night.

"Nice building" commented Natsuki as she parked the car outside.

"Yes, it was completely renovated just before I came here. The security is good, the lobby is never unattended and there are regular thorough patrols of the entire building." She was talking nervously, trying to find a way of saying goodnight.

Finally, she omitted all embellishments. "Goodnight."

"Will you let me come in with you?" green eyes asked quietly.

"Natsuki . . ."

"I've promised you, no more than you want," she went on. "Trust me, Shizuru"

"I . . ."

"Please!" suddenly Natsuki's tone was urgent.

"All right" the brunette yielded, somewhere between sighing and laughing, knowing herself for a fool, but the appeal in the voice had been irresistible.

"Anyway, you still haven't told me how I can contact you," Natsuki went on more calmly when the elevator was carrying them to Shizuru's floor.

"At the Embassy during the day."

"And do you have a cellphone?"

"Yes" she preceded her out of the elevator. "Natsuki---"

"I've got a few things to organize, but otherwise I want to spend as much time as possible with you." She went on. "With a bit of rearranging, I can probably manage more free time."

Wondering what Natsuki's business could be, that she had been so reluctant to talk about it, Shizuru opened her door, going into the living room putting down her bag and switching on the light.

"Coffee?" she asked turning to look at Natsuki.

"No, nothing, thanks" She took her phone from her pocket. "What's your number?"

Shizuru gave it to her and then asked awkwardly, "Won't you . . . sit down?"

But Natsuki stood where she was and Shizuru felt oppressed and panicky.

"Does it bother you that I'm here?" Green eyes asked quietly, reading her look.

"Yes" she said faintly, her smile wobbly.

"Why?"

"I feel . . . invaded. My peace, my privacy," she elaborated candidly. "It's too . . . soon."

"Tell me Shizuru, am I making a hell of a fool of myself?" Natsuki's face was dark now, expressionless for once but there was a deep incomprehensible glow in those incredible eyes.

The moment of uncertainty in Natsuki that was so arrogantly sure of herself was startling, but it was the fact that she refused to conceal it that stirred Shizuru as nothing else had done and realized that in a sense it was typical of the younger one.

She laughed shakily. "If you are, then so am I"

"So we'll be fools together."

"But . . . not yet," she qualified quietly, not denying it.

"No, not yet." Natsuki agreed curtly, her face now tense with strain and the tension between them intensified to an unbearable pitch.

"That's why I'm leaving now. I'll call you."

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R&R


	4. Chapter 4

**_thanks to:_**

_EleCor/ALEXISSA2/Zz-Edge-X-Meirouki-zZ/tsuko-chan/Immoral Temptation/rainee-chan/EisWulf/lindred/anonymous/Nathan5th/Perire Dea/AnimeJock/chum-sa/&&(_

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Chapter 4:

Natsuki still made no move to go out, she's just standing there looking at Shizuru and finally she said slowly, "I want you. I want you and I haven't even touched you yet."

"Natsuki . . . " Shizuru's mouth was dry, her heart racing beneath her ribs.

Her voice roughed. "Ah, God, Shizuru, I must at least hold you and kiss you, just once and find out if you feel in my arms the way I've imagined since I first saw you."

An odd, strangled sound of relief escaped Natsuki as their lips touched for the first time possessing the others mouth, invasive tongue fiercely passionate in exploring the soft flesh, caressing it.

Trembling, Shizuru slid her arms to encircle the younger girls neck, her fingers buried in the dark hair as her pleasure leapt as their lips and tongue collided. There was a dull roaring in her ears and she was bereft of all thought, responding mindlessly to that deep, driving sensuality of Natsuki's kiss. Heat flooded her body, her breast were filling with hot blood, hardening and swelling, and her hips jerked and quivered.

Pausing, Natsuki covered the other womans face with a series of kisses, her eyelids, brow, the bridge of her nose, before turning to the pulsing temptation of her hot swollen mouth. She was inexorable, demanding a response which Shizuru had no wish or ability to deny her, lost as she was in a world of fiery, shimmering passion such as she had never known before. Her hands slid feverishly down over Natsuki's back as their bodies strained together, finger freeing the womans bra from her shirt and then they were in contact with warm and slightly damp breasts. She shuddered, groaning at her caresses and as she moved her towards the couch, mouth still locked together, collapsing with her.

Dark head raised to look down into the flushed face of the brunette, her green eyes dark and glittering, stormy with passion, her mouth curved with harsh sensuality.

"Oh, Shizuru, I want you so badly, more than I've ever wanted anyone." She claimed with rough urgency.

"Kissing isn't enough, is it?"

The unevenness of the tone excited her, making her inward quivering deepen but she couldn't answer save to murmur the girls name over and over again. Her breath came in long shuddering sobs as she caressed the others breast, fingertips stroking the nipples irresistibly until a spasm of pleasure racked the younger girl.

"Natsuki!" she gasped protestingly as the other drew back, then struggled to assist her with the buttons of her blouse. "Touch me too. Please!"

With a hoarse groan, Natsuki pulled the fastening of Shizuru's bra, almost ripping it away from her breast, and now she was gathering her to her side, hands sliding up from the ribs to the breast, massaging them before her fingers plucked the swollen nipples. Her mouth sliding moistly over one smooth shoulder, her breathing harsh and labored.

"You're beautiful, so beautiful," she muttered thickly. "I knew you would be."

Shizuru could no longer restrain her cries of desire as Natsuki took a nipple fully into her mouth, sucking and massaging it with her tongue, making pleasure almost painful then soothing again. The ecstasy of it was too much, too overwhelming, almost frightening, that she tried to push her away fearful of the unfolding mysteries of this world of passion which the girl was initiating her.

"Not yet," she gasped, and yet regretted as she tried to push Natsuki away. "You promised . . ."

"Shizuru . . ."

"You promised you'd give me time" she reminded her.

"Time for what?" Natsuki asked anxiously.

"Don't you understand?" she pleaded nervously. "I need time to . . . adjust to all this. I haven't been expecting anything like this, anything so . . ."

"So intense and all-consuming," the younger girl supplied grimly. "I hadn't been expecting it either, I admit. And I did promise you time, didn't I?"

"Yes" she smiled shakily at the reluctance and added tentatively "Natsuki, maybe you should go now."

"Definitely I should go now," she said sardonically. "You excite me more than any woman I've ever known."

"You excite me too," she admitted shyly.

Natsuki stood up, putting her shirt and feeling her pockets to see if anything had been lost.

"We'll be good together,' she promised her deeply. "Don't make me wait too long Shizuru. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Yes" she stood up and followed her out to the hall.

There, at the door Natsuki turned to her, taking her face between her hands and staring into her eyes which grew deeply disturbed at this renewal of physical contact.

"Don't make any more dates with the Tomoe doctor," she said harshly.

"You're mine now, you belong to me."

"Possessive!" she teased gently.

"You don't like it do you?" She frowned. "Why not Shizuru? I'm equally yours, you know. Promise me you won't see her again."

"Why do you need promises?" she challenged softly. "Can't you trust me . . . after what happened tonight?"

"Don't play with me Shizuru!" Natsuki commanded. " I don't know if I can or not. There's still that reserve in your eyes. It's there now, and it was there when you suddenly decided to stop right now. I don't like it."

"I promise" she relented. "Anyway, Tomoe won't be coming here for some time. Plus, she has a girlfriend there. Satisfied?"

"I suppose I'll have to be" she said, with a reluctant smile for her own jealousy. Then she gave a hard kiss on Shizuru's mouth and a hot feverish shivering began all over the brunettes body.

"You belong to me, just remember that."

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ermmm…so what do you guys think?

I have to say, reading is way better than typing those kind of scenes…XD tell me when you notice any typos or errors cause there's probably a lot of it as i felt so awkward while typing this...

As always, reviews and criticisms are accepted…",


	5. Chapter 5

**See first chapter for disclaimer**

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Chapter 5:

When Natsuki was gone, Shizuru was still feeling the hard, hot imprint on her mouth. A faint rueful laugh escaped her and she leaned her head against the door for a moment. She must be in love with Natsuki or she would never have been able to accept such possessiveness.

'_Is it possible for people to fall in love so quickly?'_, she thought as she returned to the living room but only to stand at the center, her face thoughtful as she tried to sort out her feelings. Of course, Natsuki hadn't mentioned love but then she could be as incredulous as she and equally reluctant to raise it as a subject so early in their relationship.

Being realistic, she allowed that such possessiveness, as Natsuki had evinced could be entirely sexual but on the other hand she had mentioned the possibility of their one day marrying earlier that evening before she even touched her.

Additionally, she had said something about leaving and then returning- to her or for her. She assumed that was what Natsuki had meant, and she had been speaking of commitment so at least she could reasonably sure that the girl wasn't contemplating just a casual, short term affair.

Shizuru hoped that whatever it was that lay between them was truly as equal as Natsuki had said because she was very much afraid that she was in love with her, incredible as it seemed after such a brief acquaintance.

Deciding to shower she went to the bathroom and there for the first time the first prick of shame assailed her after she had stripped and caught sight of her reflection in the full mirror that occupied the wall. Her mouth was swollen and blurred from Natsuki's kisses, her nipples still inflamed, stinging and sensitive from their first acquaintance with a woman's passion and filling once more as she relieved the things they had done.

She turned away, hastily turning on the hot shower so that the steam would mist and blur her shamed reflection.

When she entered her bedroom a little later, she couldn't help a guilty glance at the drawer which held the photo she had spent contemplating several hours previously.

Now however her life had changed dramatically. It was time for letting go, for saying farewell and accepting that there was a new person in her life, as different as it was possible to be from the old but to be welcomed nevertheless because she was alive again, her heart and body vibrant with feeling.

If only Natsuki gave her time. She could accept it but she must have time. It had happened too swiftly and too overwhelmingly, utterly unexpected and she had never dreamed that anyone could make her react with quite such shattering intensity.

She needed time and yet lying in her bed in the darkness, her body was ready for Natsuki now, if her heart and mind were not.

-----the next day-----

They must have wondered at her behavior at the Embassy that morning; the way she dreamed over her computer, and tensed every time her phone rang.

In the few days as that followed, they saw as much of each other as her job and Natsuki's business permitted and gradually Shizuru found herself relaxing in her mind, even as the sexual tension between them increased, but she still wasn't quite ready to accept Natsuki as her lover, so though they went everywhere else, they spent no time at her apartment or the raven-haired's hotel.

Together, they went everywhere, not just in the city but throughout the valley. Familiar as the country was to her, she found herself appreciating it anew, because she was sharing it with Natsuki.

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Shizuru had to laugh when she introduced Hanzu to Natsuki early one evening. At only six, Hanzu was cleaner and better dressed than many of the children, son of a poor, proud and hardworking family, he never, ever begged. He was possessed of an insatiable curiosity about the world and school alone couldn't teach him fast enough.

That was how Shizuru had first met him, as he was in the habit of marching up to foreigners and firing one-word questions at them.

"Country?" he would demand with his angelic smile, and if the answer was new to him, "Capital?"

Now he looked up at Natsuki and having asked for her country turned to Shizuru and enquired, "Girlfriend?"

Shizuru laughed, thinking he and Natsuki had something in common despite the difference in their sizes. They both came straight to the point, never wasting any breath.

But the younger girl looked down at Hanzu with an oddly indulgent smile and said simply.

"Not yet"

It was just one more incident that added to the reassurance Shizuru needed and it was increasing all the time. _It was real, Natsuki meant it_, she thought as they said goodbye to the boy and moved on and tiny bubbles of warmth and excitement rose inside her.

She smiled at Natsuki. "Do you know where you're heading for or are we just walking?"

"I heard this morning that they've installed a new living goddess since I was last here and I want to see if she's just another made-up little doll."

Kathmandu had long had its living goddess, a young girl elected after undergoing hideously terrifying testing, installed in a temple built around a small square, from the upper window of which she might look out when the crowds gathered below, her child's face heavily made-up.

"I think it's sad," Shizuru told Natsuki. "Once she reaches puberty, it's all over, a new goddess is chosen because she's not deemed pure any longer, and then her life is virtually over because I've been told, no Nepalese man will marry a girl who's been a goddess."

Natsuki gave her an amused glance.

"That's a very unreasonable attitude, surely, to regard life as valueless if it doesn't contain a man."

"It is, only I don't mean it quite simplistically; I don't mean a man is the only aim and be-all and end-all of a woman's life, but . . ." Shizuru paused, lifting a shoulder. "Men and women . . . They're two halves of a whole. I think that's what I mean. They complete each other."

Natsuki looked at her, her green eyes compelling. "When will we be a whole, Shizuru?"

She caught her breath. "It's only been a few days, Natsuki."

"But we will be?" the younger one was insistent.

Shizuru looked at her, saw desire kindling in those green eyes and felt answering with warmth.

"Yes" she whispered. "Yes, Natsuki, we will."

"When?" the raven-haired asked, still dissatisfied. "Soon?"

Shizuru smiled at her child-like impatience.

"Soon" she confirmed. "Not yet but soon."

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reviews are greatly appreciated…XD


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